Not accepting the past for what it was and then MOVING ON!

There are grave mistakes made when people attach today’s thought-patterns, physical items or their own misguided notions, ONTO the past when such items/thoughts and personal views didn’t exist. Joan/Doris and other anti-adoption activists do it all the time. They just don’t ACCEPT reality, past or present, and they keep trying to figure out why they were adopted. What a waste of the life they have NOW.

Continuing on with a comment of Joan M Wheeler/Doris M Sippel in a thread about Catholic priests on her FB page March 23, 2018 9:50pm

see Ruth's post here as well...

http://ladymoondancersrealm.blogspot.com/2018/04/a-tale-of-woe-of-horrible-adoption-joan.html


Joan/Doris’s full comment will appear, here in this post, after my analysis. But, first this IMPORTANT OBSERVATION! I do believe that Joan/Doris made a major typo error, she never checks what she writes and so, as you will see in her comment, she states ‘that the priest did say’ when she MEANT TO SAY ‘did not’. That certainly CHANGES the meaning of her sentence! She also has her ‘story’ down pat, it happened just as she says it did and NO amount of evidence contrary to that will be accepted by her.

Joan/Doris answers…‘I do believe that the parish priest at the time of my mother's death was really thinking of just what he said to my father, that the baby needs two parents.’

Gert’s comment…NOW, this is something that she might have heard from both her adoptive parents and our father. It’s a typical way for parents to explain things AND to prevent further hurting the feelings of the adopted person. The adoptive parents would have explained adoption to her that way and so would have my father as well. But…that doesn’t equal to what Joan/Doris SAYS happened! FACT is that there was NO priest at my mother’s wake or funeral that would have said such things to my father. This is all just DRAMA coming from Joan/Doris!  My father would have sought advice from his priest like many do, but ultimately HE made the decision BEFORE and AFTER his wife’s death regardless what a priest said. The truth is; both my mother and father KNEW she was dying and they MADE the decision for him to REMARRY to PROVIDE a combined home for 7 children. Unfortunately, the second wife REFUSED to take the infant (Joan/Doris) and that, and only that, was the reason for Joan/Doris being put into adoption!  And yes, there were distant relatives that acted as ‘referral agents’ for the adoptive parents to my father…but NOT at my mother’s wake or funeral! Again, the way Joan/Doris tells it is just her DRAMATIC way of getting constant ATTENTION AND SYMPATHY.

Joan/Doris answers…‘No one knew what to do during my mother's cancer illness, my premature birth, and mother's slow lingering death three months later.’

Gert’s comment…Good gods! Does she really think that NO ONE had any brains or knew how to care for children? Mom was in the hospital BEFORE Joan/Doris’ birth and stayed there until her death. Dad WORKED! Our grandparents TOOK CARE of us four young children! When the infant was released from the hospital she was in the physical care of maternal relatives. During the dramatic ‘slow lingering death’ my parents MADE DECISIONS and my father made plans to REMARRY, a marriage of convenience for both of them and 7 children; the adults KNEW what to do. When the second wife refused the infant is WHEN the decision to place the infant into adoption was made. Mom died in March, by June my father remarried, and the work of doing the adoption was in play. EVERYONE knew what to do…only Joan/Doris doesn’t want to believe it. She WANTS it to be the blame of the Catholic priest, so she can continue to justify her hatred for the Catholic religion!

Joan/Doris answers…‘But I do get angry that the priest did say, "How can I help you keep your family together?"’

Gert’s comment…Here’s where her typo is; should be did not. So she’s angry! What’s new? She’s constantly angry that’s all she knows is anger! Hey the priest’s job is NOT keeping the family together! All they CARE about is getting a baby baptized! I was pregnant BEFORE marriage and the priest told me I DID NOT have to keep the baby, because my husband was NOT Catholic, and that I could GIVE THE BABY UP TO ADOPTION. We said NO!

Joan/Doris answers…‘You know, food baskets, baby clothes,diapers, church volunteers? I just can't understand why that was not arranged.'

Gert’s comment…Here are examples of TODAY’S thoughts, ideas and items that WERE not in constant supply in 1956. Food baskets; they probably were not called that but that type of thing was more known as ‘bringing a covered dish’ and it was only used for a very short period of time, at a death or illness. It was NOT used on a routine basis to sustain a family with many small children. Baby clothes were ONLY given at ‘showers’ or within families. Diapers??!! Hey at that time they were CLOTH and were WASHED at home by the parents! Even when I had my children in 1965/66, DISPOSABLE diapers were NOT THE NORM. Church volunteers??!!! Again that depends on whether or not a family had maintained a ‘active relationship’ within a given church’s activities. To the best of my understanding my parents were TOO BUSY raising children and going to work to support them. Joan/Doris’s views of what happens in today’s world, IF one is active in a church ‘fellowship’, is far different from what actually happened in 1956. She needs to change her ‘understanding’ and rid herself of her anger.

Joan/Doris answers…‘THAT was the sinister part. While I did love my adoptive parents, how it was arranged is upsetting to me.

Gert’s comment…It’s only ‘sinister’ because Joan/Doris thinks it is! Nothing about adoption is normal in her mind!

Now here is Joan/Doris’ full comment after she is asked by Mary Payne…Was this the same priest who leaned on your birth father to relinquish you after your mother died?

NO! Good question, though. I do believe that the parish priest at the time of my mother's death was really thinking of just what he said to my father, that the baby needs two parents. He was worried that my father couldn't look after me because he had to be at work. No mention of who would be watching the other 4 children, but my father got married three months after my mother died. ...I don't think there was any malice intended by the priest who talked my father into giving me up, only misguided advice. And certainly not the baby-brokering in other situations. No one knew what to do during my mother's cancer illness, my premature birth, and mother's slow lingering death three months later. But I do get angry that the priest did say, "How can I help you keep your family together?" You know, food baskets, baby clothes,diapers, church volunteers? I just can't understand why that was not arranged. Adoption was the easy way out...AND, a woman came up to my father at my mother's funeral minutes after the priest. She said, "I know someone who will take your baby." She procured the baby - me - for her older brother and his wife to adopt. THAT was the sinister part. While I did love my adoptive parents, how it was arranged is upsetting to me.

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